Ground Control to Major Tom
Your circuit’s dead, there’s something wrong
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear....
“ am I sitting in a tin can
Far above the Moon
Planet Earth is blue
And there’s nothing I can do.
David Bowie
17NOV13
In the morning, they brought food again, and I had to tell the guys several times, no!, which of course escalated Aodhan’s dismay at not getting some. Sometimes people that are trying to be nice are annoying.
The scenery has changed. It is very hilly, with lots of bright green trees, and dark red soil like in PEI.
We got to the town, and made our way to our hostel. It is nice here. Simple, but nice. The owner is great, and let us in a room right away. I reminded Aodhan it was bath day, and he disappear outside, and sat by the pool, saying that he would have a bath later. I had to get groceries because it is Sunday, and the store closes at 1pm. Luckily I brought gluten free pasta from Buenos Aires and from Santiago. We went to the store, and Aodhan was quite well behaved. I bought lots of stuff, and tried to leave my visa card in the store. I am losing my mind. I cannot afford to lose this card.
Aodhan said he wanted to take his swim later. I cooked a lovely pasta, and Aodhan sat in the backyard watching the other people swim. I finally called him that the pasta was ready. I said he could have some, as soon as he was clean. He said later. I let him have some more time. It was almost 3pm. I said he had to have his bath, or a shower. He went ballistic, and started thrashing about and trying to run away. I grabbed him and held him and asked if he wanted to take a shower, or if he wanted to swim. He kicked me hard, and hit me. The other people at the hostel saw, and came and asked if I needed help. “Yes,” I said. They helped and held him so he would stop beating on me, and he kicked several of them including one young girl, before they got him inside and subdued on the floor of the dining room. It took six people including some pretty big guys to manage him. We got his backpack off him, and I put it away. He had kicked my sore knee again, and it was throbbing. He finally got calmed down and eventually, after half an hour of help, did get changed and have a swim. I gave him his backpack and papers back and he was happy for a while after. He ate, and put clean clothes on. I have not given him back his sweater. He peed his clean pants again almost immediately after putting them on.
I have hidden his sweater in another locked room, and my sweater and jacket as well. He has been wearing only a tee shirt all afternoon, and is seems considerably less stressed with less clothing. He will not change his peed pants though, even into his pajamas. He just wants to go to bed. He says “don’t talk about that” when I mention the fact that his pants need to be changed. I am supposed to go to the falls tomorrow, but maybe I will wait a few days more.
I am so confused. Do I just let him spend the next month in filthy peed pants, never changing, never bathing? I can’t make him and he knows it, and he is going to fight me and he is going to escalate this until I can’t, until no one can. I checked into flights back to Toronto from here, it is about $1000, and I am seriously considering it. It would have to be a direct flight, and I would have to tell him we were going to Lima or Arequipa or something. He would go crazy once he figured it out, but we would be in the air at that point and hopefully there would be enough people to help. I don’t think I can ever take him anywhere again. This was a good idea, and it was going well, and I was seeing improvement, but not now. Perhaps, I just keep thinking, perhaps when these teenage hormones stop flowing, perhaps. But is it just a pipe dream? Will he just keep getting worse? Is there no way to get through to him. I talk constantly to him. I tell him that I know it is scary, and I am here to help. I tell him that if he continues this path the only option in his life will be to take away his freedom, like in an institution. I tell him I love him, and we just have to come to an agreement that includes some type of bathing and some level of cleanliness. I told him that if he chooses, then it is his decision, not mine. He can choose to have the power, by choosing to be clean. He just puts his fingers in his ears and glares at me.
He stayed in the backyard all evening, turning away from me to hide the fact that his pants are wet, and refused to admit they were. He refused to change, even into his pajamas. Finally he fell asleep in the backyard. I went out and asked him to go to bed, and he agreed. I gave him his pajamas, and he changed, of course, keeping the soaking wet boxers on underneath. He went to bed, and chose the bed near the window, even though it has no blanket. He slept fine in a tee-shirt with one sheet over top of him. Perhaps he is hot. Perhaps he does want rid of the sweaters, but does not know how to do that and is too terrified. Maybe he wants them taken away. I don’t know. I don’t think I can survive this one. It will have to wait.
As we came over the hill, the valley below was filled with mist. It was like driving down from the heavens.
The roads are red like PEI
Stands of tall birch trees sometimes line the roads.
Coming into town.
Aodhan enjoying laying on the grass after bathing and putting on clean clothes. But if you ooh, you can see that the front triangle of his pants are soaking wet.
The pretty little backyard.
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